Hey ladies and gents, it’s that time again to reach into the J4G Mailbag and see what’s there; and this week’s letter comes from a young lady reader named “Xena”, who writes the following:
“Hey Obs,
I really enjoyed the Slut Q&A piece you post at J4G earlier this week. I gotta say in the last question the “Whore vs. Ho” I called it in the air. The problem with a lot of the people (mainly feminists and ‘white knights’) harping about slut-shaming is that they are showing their own hand. P*ssy isn’t a car, there is no odometer. Nobody will ever know a particular persons’s true number count or “sluttiness” without bering witness to the sex acts or being explicitly told. Not saying anyone should lie about their “number” but if people in your social milieu know you get around, its because you talk too much. Anyways, many of these so called sluts believe that their self worth is tied to sex, which is quite sad when you think about it. Because of that they throw their sexuality in everyone’s face thinking it gives them social proof when the exact opposite is true. Comes off as deeply insecure, crass, pathetic.
On another note, I wanted to ask you about the exact opposite. What do guys think about women with little to no sexual experience. Im a mid-20s virgin myself and I feel like most guys prefer a girl who has had a little experience. I’m not very religious so I’m not exactly waiting ’til marriage and I don’t have any weird sexual hangups, low libido, or health problems that would effect sex. Just waiting for the right guy. Seems like a lot of guys in the Manosphere look favorably on virginity, however I don’t think those guys are representative of the average US man. Just want to know your thoughts.
Best,
Xena”
Well, first I want to thank you Ms. Xena, for writing Just Four Guys – tell a friend about us! Second, I want to thank you for writing about a highly legitimate issue.
As I pointed out in my previous Mailbag to which you referred, from a psychological standpoint, it is very important for a Man to “own” his Woman’s sexuality; afterall, it IS a highly valuable resource – the vehicle through which his own genetic legacy travels. From an Evolutionary POV, those Men who failed to demand chastity from their mates, and/or failed to be vigilant about same, will not be our ancestors. Why?
Because, and I know this is something many Women are loathe to openly admit, is because failing not to demand chastity/loyalty in a Woman and/or failing not to be vigilant for signs of her potential mating defection opens the door to being reproductively defrauded, disenfranchised and, in a word, Cuckolded. Such a thing is, in a word, an evolutionary deadend for any male. This is part of the reason how and why both Mate Guarding and Male Jealousy evolved, because they are strategic adaptations to the problem of safeguarding their investments made in young(er), reproductively fertile Women.
At the risk of being a bit…graphic, those readers who are bit more experienced in intimate matters, will know well how often during intimacies a Man will ask “who owns this (fill in the blank)?”, to which the Woman will often say “You do!”, and so forth. Well, there you go: a vivid example of what I am talking about here, and something which I dare say is common throughout the world’s cultures and climes.
As I pointed out in the previous Mailbag, those Women who give the impression – unwittingly or otherwise – that they are a bit, shall we say, “loose”, give Men pause for considering them for long(er) term mates, because of the suspicion that they may not be trustworthy with the most valuable asset they can offer any Man – access to her eggs. Such Women are not viewed favorably as long(er) term mating options, and as such tend to be relegated to the short(er) term mating “ladder”, if you will, and if at all (not all Men are into short(er) term mating, and we have to keep that in mind; many factors go into whether this or that Man will “jump/hump on it”).
The world in which we live today, is one that challenges these notions and truths, on the grounds that they perpetuate a “double standard” of mating – but what they leave out, or deliberately fail to consider, is the profound way in which the sexes evolved their own sets of adaptations to solve problems of mating unique to each sex. For Men, the problem of Paternity Uncertainty – known in the Public Mind as “Mama’s Baby, Papa’s…Maybe?” - had to be solved by (1) selecting a Woman that was relatively “hard to get”; and (2), by keeping a watchful eye over her, which could be achieved by any number of ways. These problems are not those that present themselves for Women, mainly due to the aforementioned old saw – a Woman who has a baby has her maternity assured. Now, to be sure, a philandering mate poses some serious problems of their own for a Woman – mainly the diversion of crucial resources to the new Woman and most importantly, any kids born of her Man’s assocation with said Woman – but in terms of establishing her maternity (and thus her genetic legacy), no, Women do NOT face this ancestral adaptive problem.
Only Men do.
So that, in a nutshell, is how and why Men look so favorably on Virginity, or failing that, (relative) Chastity/Loyalty, in a long(er) term mate, Ms. Xena – because it is one way that a Man can ensure his genetic legacy.
In short, if a Man doesn’t “own” his Woman’s sexuality – chances are very high that another Man, IS.
And that’s my take on Ms. Xena’s letter, folks.
Now, it’s your turn: what do you say in response to Ms. Xena’s questions? Perhaps you have a differing take – have your say!
Oh, and don’t forget: if you want your letter featured on the next J4G Mailbag, just send it to yours truly at theobsidianfiles@hotmail.com! Thanks!
